Didn't any of these folks go to kindergarten? They teach you to stop, drop and roll every year at school, beginning when you're old enough to use the potty by yourself, during the fire prevention assembly. If you're going to try to light your fart on fire, you should probably be prepared for, or at least aware of, the consequences.
When your ass is on fire, don't jump around and scream for your mommy like a fifteen year old mall rat who got in with the wrong crowd and is finally realizing the error of her ways. No. Drop down to the floor, betch, and roll around for mercy!