Image by San Diego Shooter via FlickrThe Topic
What lesson have you learned from a one night stand?
What have I learned from a one night stand? I've learned that a one stand stand is not as simple of a concept as it sounds. He may want to see you again afterward, which could be problematic if that was never your intention (though it's totally your fault for giving him your phone number in the first place, you big dummy!). Some people just get the wrong idea. I actually realized this when working as a cashier at the local Whole Paycheck where I was required to interact with the customers and make conversation with them as I checked their groceries out. Well, some people (lonely people, I think) would completely misinterpret my pleasant nature and courtesy as romantic interest-- and a messy situation would unfold.
I was 19 years old at the time, just working my way through college and living at home, and would have 50 year old men coming back hours after I had waited on them with notes in their hands that they would hand to me silently, or would wait in line with the other customers just to say a few mumbled words of "Would you like to get coffee..." while staring at the ground. This would make me feel so uncomfortable because I was just trying to do a good job and be a good employee, and I would have to turn them down kindly while other customers waited in line with their groceries behind the poor sap. My dad, after telling him about my weird old dude posse, told me I should reply the next time I was asked out, "Well, I can't go out because I'm helping my dad clean the shotguns tonight." Ha! It's funny, but I never said that. I would do my best to turn him down as nicely and quickly as possible, without causing too much of a commotion.
I'm rambling, I realize, and you may think this has nothing to do with the theme. But it does. My point is this: you may just be looking for a good time, drunken or otherwise, but he may have another idea entirely. Or vice versa-- whatever. People catch feelings easily and if it's not reciprocated then feelings get hurt. Which is why you should be fully prepared to deal with a situation like this if you're going about seeking easy lovin. Understand that rewards don't come without consequence and you may have to break a heart and let the poor sap down gently, before you can move on to the next person in line. Like how I did that?
Then again, a one night stand can turn into a relationship. When I met my boyfriend two years ago I didn't think it would be anything more than a chance encounter, but lo and behold I packed up my life and moved across the country to be with him. I'm still here.
The Challenge
Invite two blogger friends to play along.
The two bloggers I choose to carry on this challenge are Sara from Sara Swears A Lot and Hipstercrite. Enjoy! And I look forward to reading what you've written.
ALSO...
Are any of you other ladies fed up with the sexist double standard regarding one night stands? I read a few other blogs on the same topic and was surprised when I read a comment that basically said "I will never make the mistake of having a one night stand with someone, but I don't think I would be too judgmental if you had a one night stand." Why is it such a big deal? So long as you're being smart about what you're doing and don't expect anything more than what you're asking for, I do not see an issue.
I think a lot of women are still so worried about being called a "slut." By whom? If anyone calls you a slut then you have every right to call them a "fuckless wanker" and "sexist prick who isn't getting any," before telling them to go "back to the times of the Puritans." Obviously it's a personal choice and if you're planning on saving yourself for marriage then maybe you shouldn't be reading this blog. My thoughts on the subject are it's better to know what you're getting into before signing a legal contract-- if you wait until you get married to have sex, how do you know if the parts are going to fit correctly? What if you're incompatible? What if he has a really little wiener? It's best to know what you're getting into.
16 comments:
thanks for participating! i now follow ya!!!
I have to help my dad clean his shotguns. That is classic. Your dad is a wise man.
(And the word on mantel said "pray". The "a" is kinda awkward. Hey, A for Awkward! Sorry it's late for me...)
I hear you on the "Good customer service is not romantic interest" front. I'd have customers double back and leave their phone numbers. With my boss. With whom I would have to explain that NO, NO I was not going to date the man 25+ years my senior. Then I'd take the classy route and hide in the stock room whenever said customer showed up again.
Shotgun remark? Sooo much more badass than my solution.
I love this one! Can't wait to write it sometime this week. : )
Also, I got your zine and I LOVED it! I'm usually not a poetry girl, but I really liked reading yours. I'm definitely going to start trying some more serious stuff to maybe submit for it one day? I like a challenge. : )
Ha ha! your post made me laugh. What is it with old men thinking they can pull young girls? They are normally destined to failure and end up cruising the streets of Bangkok (I know, I've seen 'em).
P.S. Woo hoo, I think I am your 100th follower!
Haha, I love your add-on at the end! :P
But I agree. How you know it's going to fit if you don't try it on? Unlike clothing, you can't just return him. Well, you can, but it'll cost more than it's worth.
Yeah, it's easy to forget that one-night stands can turn into relationships. I feel like the reason we say that they never do is because, if it happens between a pair of people where one is only interested in finding out what it's like to have sex with the other, it's over after that.
The double-standard bothers me on principle, but it also bothers me in a more personal way. I hate it when girls who have had one-night stands lack a sense of humor about it. An ex of mine used to frequently tell me about one-night stands she had. When I told her about the single one-night stand that I've ever had, she got pissed and said, "I only did mine because I was lonely, you did yours because you're an asshole!"
In a way, that opened up another double-standard that I think I've seen in other people, too. A "post-slut" double-standard, if you will. Where women are expressing their sexuality and freedom and/or combatting loneliness with their one-night stands, but men are just being assholes if they sleep with a woman they don't intend to see again.
What do you think?
My thoughts on that, Benny, is that we're all sexual beings and it's normal to express that. If a guy goes around bragging how many women he's slept with, I think that's sad and kinda corny. I think women get that defensiveness because they don't want to be labeled as a slut. One guy told me I was a slut, after he told me he slept with over 200 women. Uh, yeah. Who's the real slut?
200 is just disgusting. Especially coming from a person who still uses words like "slut." Neither of you are necessarily "real sluts" BUT, if one of you DESERVES to be called that fucked up and damaging name, it is indeed HIM and not you.
Sometimes I feel like I live in a fantasy world... a world where, if the topic of sexual pasts comes up, a couple can share funny/odd stories as friends, without either one feeling threatened.
The past is the past. I don't need to relive my one night stands, and I don't really wanna hear about my boyfriends past sexual encounters. I don't think it's that interesting, and I think I would feel a little jealous hearing about his conquests. I dunno.
Or on the flip side...realising the most exciting thing they have done is have sex at the end of the bed! Totally feels like you are corrupting them..not sure it's a feeling a girl likes to have often.
My current relationship was based on a one night stand, and the next week a two night stand, then we counted up to 12 and said, "Hey? I'm in love with you."
I like this post. I'm glad there is another woman out there that doesn't necessarily see a problem with one night stands. If you're being safe and smart, then I don't see the big deal.
And yes I hate the double standard. I hate how men in general are not looked down on for having casual sex, lots of sex, kinky sex, etc. But if a girl does any of those things, she's a whore. SCREW THAT.
I stumbled this :)
I even went out of my way to write a review about it:
Alex writes the scary thought of 50 year old men persistently hitting on her at work. The overall theme is one night stands and she states that if both parties are on the same reciprocating levels than you might just end up in a relationship. She goes on to talk about gender binaries and double standards.
You should read, www.datemedc.blogspot.com.
Her dating material is through the roof!
I hear ya on the creepy customers. When I worked as a cashier, I had guys over 50 give me their numbers, business cards, or those leering stares that we all love SO much. But none of that was nearly as bad as a coworker of mine, who once had two guys ask her to participate in a threesome with them, AND they called back to the store to let her know that even though she'd turned them down, their offer still stood. She told them that if they called/came back, she'd notify the police. We never saw them again. Thankfully.
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