Beast Insults Hollywood Tradition *guest post* by Ashley Ashbee

The following is a guest post by Ashley Ashbee of Beyond Passing Time (you can also follow her on Twitter @cartooninperson). Ashley inspired me to write a post last week about my eyebrows and that post in turn inspired this. Please enjoy.

In one of the biggest disasters caught on film, a hairy beast that had, as it turned out, previously masqueraded as a woman, waves to a stunned crowd. The photographs and videos of the incident send shockwaves throughout the world. Women retreat to their swooning couches. Many heart patients just can’t take it, and die at magazine stands everywhere.

That beast resembled Julia Roberts and had the gall to attend the premiere of the film Notting Hill. It had shaved all of its fur but the armpits to combine the illusion of a feminine form with the horror of a woman/beast hybrid.

“To tamper with the aesthetic appeal of a real woman, and then to throw it into the public’s face,” Au Naturel, a leading razor company, commented, “is a disgrace.”

The beast had disguised its voice with a remarkably feminine tone, similar to Julia Roberts’, and insisted that it was indeed Julia Roberts. But Hollywood fashion critics assert that no real woman, a woman known for her beauty, would expose the man hair nature has forced upon the fairer sex.

Raging feminists applauded the Julia Roberts imposter creature in an obvious attempt to deplete beauty and sense from western culture.