Young Girls, Happy Endings, British Twee-Pop-Rock [a conversation]

image source

Scene: my kitchen table.

Jillian and I are reminiscing about our "glory days" of being young and silly, and in the middle of telling her about a weird evening when I was 18 which involved listening to a Welsh rock group called Gorky's Zygotic Mynci (the last word is pronounced like "monkey") on repeat. 

Actually, it was one song in particular which I insisted that we (myself and my friend) play over and over again-- and have him sing the song to me (I know, what the hell?)-- so that I could learn the lyrics. Ah, youth.


Anyway, so I get up to play the song for her so she can perhaps understand why I so desperately needed to learn the lyrics to that song in one evening (although, upon listening to the song today I have no idea why learning the lyrics was so urgent-- again, youth, naivete), and this is the conversation which followed:

Me: (singing) You know young girls love happy endings, because that's the way it's 'sposed to be / Without all of these happy endings, what would happen to my industry-y?

Jillian: I like it. It kind of reminds me of Belle & Sebastian.

Me: Yes-- they're like the Welsh version of Belle & Sebastian! Same sort of twee sentimentality.

Jillian: Except I never really got into Belle & Sebastian...

Me: Really? They have some really rockin songs.

Jillian: (shakes head)

Me: Their old stuff is really good. I think their newer albums were kinda corny, they lacked the original feeling and spirit, but their older albums are awesome. (runs to computer to play a song on iTunes, realize there isn't any B&S on my computer)

Ugh, all my CDs are in Philly-- I haven't listened to Belle & Sebastian in so long. (plays "The Boy With The Arab Strap" on Youtube)

Whenever I listen to this song, I have to dance like a Peanuts character in the Christmas episode.


Jillian: Yeah, this is good!

Me: I told you they were rockin!

And so, I've been listening to Belle & Sebastian pretty much constantly ever since that evening. It's making me want to re-purchase Tiger Milk, The Boy With The Arab Strap, and If You're Feeling Sinister. Jillian: these are all good albums! Classic Belle & Sebastian!

If you're gonna dance like a cartoon, any Peanuts character is an appropriate choice.

Power to the ONLINE people!

The internet really is an amazing place-- I know, I've said this countless times before. Information is rapidly shared and widely disseminated, making sure that everyone is aware of a hot button issue moments after it happens.

There will always be scumbags who use the power of the internet to manipulate truth and play a trick on the masses (Team Mitt Romney, you've been rung), but luckily there are more than enough smart people to combat the falsehoods and rumors out there (the under-the-bridge dwellers stick to safe places like Yahoo News, where more sophisticated internet users would never dare go).

So here's another infographic which demonstrates the beauty of collaboration, community, and altruistic brainstorming. Just check out this little fact nugget:

When presented with the opportunity, gamers were able to solve an AIDS protein problem that puzzled scientists for fifteen years, in fifteen days.

Top that, trolls!

Wacky Fashions at J-Pop Summit in SF's Japantown

We had beautiful weather on Sunday, which made for a very pleasant experience at Japantown's J-Pop Summit: a Japanese pop culture extravaganza in Japantown, featuring live music, fashion shows, film screenings, vendors selling homemade wares and delicious Japanese treats.

The streets were cluttered with pixie people dressed in colorful and fanciful garments—in costumes ranging from Elegant Gothic Lolitas to White Rabbits from Alice in Wonderland to flying rodents. Despite the tunes, food, movies, and other happenings, the J-Pop Summit was really all about the fashion.

Click on over to SF Station to see some of my favorite looks from the event!


The J-Pop Summit gave me a perfect excuse to break out my "symbolism" sweater, knowing that my demonology vibe would be offset by the goth-over-the-top folks.


These kids were too cool for school.


A Lolita, but not an EGL (in my opinion, if you're gonna be a Lolita, you might as well be Elegant and Gothic, too).


Adorable.

Rip-offers are like roaches: you can stomp em, but they'll keep comin back

Remember this image? I created it a while back, when I was watching Mob Wives and Drita, the hot-headed Albanian who was married to some schmuck in white collar prison, said something that was funny and, to me, felt like a meme in the making.

I paused the show, took my camera out, and took a shot of Drita while she was giving a talking head interview, moments after she had said the funny line to her friend at the gym. I didn't take a photo during the actual utterance of those lines, because you couldn't really see her due to the gym equipment in the way.

Anyway, I like to check my site's traffic sources from time to time and today I noticed that the search "haters are like crickets" is bringing a bunch of people to The Sez. Out of curiosity, I clicked the Yahoo images search link and saw that the image I created was the number one result, but I saw something else-- the same shot, the same text, the same exact image that was posted here, except with my "thetsaritsasez.com" tag at the bottom cropped off.


On Yahoo...


On Google, too (yes, I turned off the "personal results")
I went to the website hosting this stolen image and felt my blood pressure begin to creep up as I realized that there was no credit given to me or The Tsaritsa Sez anywhere on the page. To add insult to injury, the cropped stolen image had received a healthy amount of Facebook "likes" (84,360 to be exact), tweets, Pinterest "pins," and +1s on Google (4,200, again, to be exact). See below.


Those people could be new readers to this blog, but because some jerkoff decided to rip me off all those people probably think the rip off artist is the content creator. Also notice the date it was posted, April 13th, while my original post was written back on February 3rd. *takes a breath*

To be clear: I have no problem with others using the words and images found on this site for their own use SO LONG AS YOU GIVE CREDIT TO THE PERSON WHO CREATED THE CONTENT (in this case, it would be me). I have a disclaimer at the bottom of every page on this site, warning folks not to steal my shiz without permission unless they feel up to the task of enduring my fiery ginger wrath.

I'm sending these jokers a cease and desist letter (or is it cyst and decease letter? they could get some cysts and decease, too, I guess), thanks to the advice of a friend who sent me a link to an article on IP Watchdog with instructions on writing a proper "take down" letter.

Hey jokers, if you're reading this (I'm not naming you here because I will not give you traffic): make sure you check your email, and you can kiss my white ass, too.

SF's MOST Interactive Happy Hour: So You Think You Can Paint?

New post up on SF Station! Check it out!

SoMA nightclub, Club Six hosts a fun, free and interactive happy hour that is unlike any other in San Francisco—or anywhere else, really. Dubbed So You Think You Can Paint?, every Thursday night the club opens its doors and offers canvas, paint and brushes to the public.


Resident DJ Mr. Robinson works the decks while experienced artists and novices work away at the eight foot wooden panels mounted on every wall in the huge front half of the club.

The non-critical work space is incredibly conducive to forming new friendships—you paint next to a stranger, you check out their style, comment on their subject matter and suddenly you’re exchanging Twitter handles between brushstrokes. If you’re more of the type who would rather sit back and observe, there are plenty of folks sitting and sipping at the bar, people watching and enjoying the next-level art gallery scene.

Read the rest of my article at SF Station, and be sure to check out Club Six on Thursday nights (from 6pm to 11pm) for painting and partying!

Bugging Out In New York City [guest post by Rachelle Nones]

Today Rachelle is here with a guest post on an important topic. You may remember her from a guest post earlier this year, about how timing can be everything in life, and seizing the opportunity when inspiration hits. Please enjoy the post, and a big thank you to Rachelle for hanging out with us again on The Sez :)

What's scarier than Zombies stalking bargain hunters at the local mall?

Lawns!


Lately, I've noticed quite a few little yellow flags popping up on local lawns and they're bugging me out. Have you seen them? You know... the cute lawn signs warning: "PESTICIDE APPLICATION. DO NOT ENTER. DO NOT REMOVE SIGN FOR 24 HOURS."

I'm not quite sure what I'm doing right but I'm not plagued by mass invasions of bugs in need of a chemical nuking even though I live in the same vicinity as my bug-phobic neighbors. I don't live in a heavily wooded rural section of the city so I don't know where these pesky bugs are hiding but I haven't seen them.

Before I address this issue in full, I have admit that I'm a little biased. I don't love insects and a good many of them creep me out but I'm the type of person who would rather scoot a fly out of my home than smash it to death. I also avoid using chemicals unless absolutely necessary.

I want to ask the yellow flag people if they've ever heard of birds. Birds feast on insects and they're chemical free. I'm much rather let the birds manage the insects. In my opinion, the chemicals used in pesticides are way too risky.

The Center for Disease Control (2004) reported, "In 2001, the Toxic Exposure Surveillance System (TESS), which tracks cases of poisoning reported to U.S. poison control centers identified 20,110 cases of acute pesticide poisonings in the general population."

The report also mentioned "Long-term exposure may be associated with neurologic diseases such as Parkinson's and Alzheimer's."

When I was a child, I remember seeing a lot more insects than I do today. I miss the caterpillars. I miss the ladybugs. I haven't seen a praying mantis in years. Now, that's a handsome insect!

Occasionally, I see a few gnats or a fly or two. I'm thrilled when I see a bee because we really need them. I'd much rather learn to live with a few insects than not see any at all.

If I didn't see any insects in my neighborhood, I would know that my environment isn't sustaining a healthy eco-system and that would really truly scare me. Do the yellow flag people realize that their lawn chemicals wash onto the sidewalks and into storm drains? They might have the right to pollute their own living space but they don't have the right to pollute mine.

Yellow flag people... it is time to raise the white flag and stop buggin' out.

A spider is the best pest control friend you can have. If a fly bothers you, swat it away. See? It's not difficult to control insects. People bother them as much as they bother us. If you've got a really bad infestation problem, there's a safer solution--natural pest control. There are dozens of natural remedies that effectively control insects without poisoning the environment.

If you've been using pesticides because you dream of a world where insects don't exist, don't expect to receive any sympathy from me-- I'm probably too busy wiping deadly pesticides off the bottom of my dog's paws.


Rachelle Nones is a photographer and freelance writer. You can view her photographs here.

re-examining a Petrarchan sonnet I wrote six years ago

The Barbary Striped Grass Mouse Lemniscomys barbarus (Wikipedia)

The following is a poem I wrote in college, when I challenged myself to write a Petrarchan sonnet.

I'm not crazy about adhering to poetic formulas so much (save for haiku), especially when rhyme schemes are involved, but I like to test my limits occasionally and some ABBAABBA action seemed just right.

The poem itself is kind of emo, and I was very emo at that age.

I guess I still am, considering the amount of The Cure, Weezer (only the first two albums, The Blue Album and Pinkerton), Modern Lovers, Hefner, Smashing Pumpkins, and Elliott Smith I listen to.

For those of you who were not English majors, a Petrarchan sonnet is a poetic form developed by Italian humorist and writer, Francesco Petrarca (also known as Petrarch)consisting of an octave (eight lines stanza) and a sestet (six lined stanza), in which the subject is most often unattainable love.

Because Petrarca was Italian, the strict rhyme scheme of ABBA ABBA CDCDCD was probably easier to stick to (all those vowels in Italian!). In English, it's a bit more difficult to get the rhyme and meaning on the same page.

Here was my first attempt at a Petrarchan. I think I'll give this sonnet form another crack this week.

better to remain in a safe warm house
laying, lying, licking milky nothing
with mind blanked and belly full as stuffing
or cardboard, nesting, domestic-- a mouse
the vermin, sucking, parasitic louse
leaves the host itching, confused, and huffing
through pestilence, bite marks red and puffing
as a tumor-- ill love creates the spouse

or, perhaps quick wickedness is the tool
dish the truth out, and hurt, but leave with no lies
make do right because it is right a rule
with the cat out, the mouse seeks a new prize
scars are left to heal, burns are left to cool
a quiet life shaken by lecherous eyes

That awesome outfit I wore that one time

The internet is a crazy place. I thoroughly enjoy getting lost, opening new doors to sites before unseen by my eyes, and "discovering" incredible writers, artists, and folks who have a unique point of view and the drive to see their visions realized.

Sometimes, I stumble into an internet wormhole of vapidness and I can't find my way out, the narcissism radiating off the page enrobes me and drags me down further into the wells of Instagram self-photos and ruminations on the best under-eye concealers.

Once I am drenched in the inanity of it all, it's harder for me to lift myself out. During one particular ridonkulous occasion, I found myself on one of the most boring "style" blogs I've ever seen. This woman (you may know her blog, What I Wore) has hundreds of photos of herself on this blog, dressed in a different and plain outfit in each photo.

What's the point? No one cares what some rando in Brooklyn wears everyday, especially if it's nothing special. Take photos of yourself wearing something awesome, or don't have your photo taken, is how I feel about it.

I wore this outfit to go to the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit (which we were unfortunately too late to go to), and also to Trader Joe's. It was a Sunday and I've been wanting to wear this high-low star print skirt for a while now, but it feels inappropriate for work. I figured a tour around the DeYoung would be suiting for the outfit, but oh well. Next time!

Wrapping-up Summer Wrap-Up: things to do before the equinox!

1) Learn how to drive: I'm 26 and can't drive. There's a joke there, somewhere. Growing up in a major city and access to public transportation, plus a penchant for long walks, meant I never had to drive or depend on a car to get around. But I should learn, it's beyond time.

2) Finish hip-hop album: I've been working on this thing for months, and I have one or two more songs I want to record before I bite the lip of my perfectionism and share. I'm finally going to release #OccupyThisEP during the month of August. *crosses fingers*

3) "Philly Made Me" Kickstarter: DJ Lil Elle and I have been talking about doing a video for "Philly Made Me" for a while now, and the idea is to go back to Philly and shoot at historic locations, as well as places that are historical for me (like Central High's South Lawn, or the bar formerly known as Sal's on 12th. But in order to get the funds to fly out East and hire a real videographer, we're going to try a Kickstarter project to source the crowd (our friends) for their nickels and dimes. I'm scared, but if it works out it'll be totally worth it.

4) Weekend getaway? I would love to get away for a weekend, somewhere quiet.

5) Write for SF Station: Already doin that, baby!

6) Perform? This is a big one to consider, and there's a question mark there because I'm not sure if I'm going to do it before the end of the summer, though I probably should start thinking about performing in front of people. And by people I mean those who are not already friends and family. Scary, right?

7) Publish "SURPRISE" zine!
I know, I know. *hang head in shame* Believe or not, but I've been really busy lately, but yeah, that's not really an excuse for dragging my feet on editing and formatting something that I am truly passionate about. I need to publish this zine, like, two months ago. Procrastinating Tsaritsa is a procrastinator.

My FIRST SF Station article-- Kayo Books, a hidden Tenderloin jewel

There is a secret gem of a bookstore in the Tenderloin, nestled in between a coffee shop and some unassuming apartments on Post Street.

Established 17 years ago, Kayo Books specializes in pulps, a nickname given to vintage books and magazines printed on wood pulp paper, known for their racy plots and graphically striking cover art. No wonder the shop is a favorite haunt of filmmaker, John Waters.

Read the rest of my first article on SF Station website! WOO HOO! Yup, you read that right, I'm a new feature writer for SF Station, a San Francisco site dedicated to all things local. I didn't want to announce anything until my first piece was up, because I'm superstitious as WHOA! 

"Thetsaritsasez.com must rank high in Google"

貼牌冰箱 Google Refrigerator (via Aray Chen)

Hmmmm, should I give some randos in a foreign country a thousand dollars to "build links" for me?

By building links, I'm assuming they mean leaving linked comments on big websites on articles that have nothing to do with what this blog is about.

You've seen them before, I'm sure. I even have a few comment spammer/link builders who love posting comments on a post I wrote a while back about my paralyzing fear of going to the dentist (honestly, I'd rather get punched in the face).

Spammy comments? Sounds like a great idea! Sign me up!

Thetsaritsasez.com Team,

I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for Thetsaritsasez.com

1.Your website Thetsaritsasez.com is not ranking top in Google organic search for many competitive keyword phrases.

2. Your website profile is not available in most of the Social Media Websites.

3. Your site has 8 Google back links, this can be improved further.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of a WEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic.
Sounds interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Best Regards,
Jay Plouffe
SEO Consultant
(239) 205-3053
------------------------------------------------------------------
Please Note: This is onetime email and you may ask us to “REMOVE” you from our mailing list.
Highlights:
-SEO plans start from $1500/month
-Guaranteed lowest price and highest quality
-Dedicated Indian Link Builders with American Account Managers
-Largest SEO company Since 2000

Whatever. There's more to life than SEO and my Alexa score.

Ever get an email like this? I'm definitely adding these folks' address to my blocked senders list. Wonder how they even stumbled on this site to solicit me for business-- maybe I DO rank high in Google? ha.

Mutant mermaids, food trucks, and Tenderloin murals [street art post]

Ben and I watched a weird show on the Discovery channel that was trying to prove that mermaids are real. The show featured some amateur videos allegedly taken by fishermen in the deep sea and kids on a beach, respectively, to show that mermaids have been spotted in the wild-- but it all looked so fake. It was like the time those hillbillies put a gorilla suit in their freezer and tried to convince CNN that they had captured a Bigfoot.

Mythical creatures get me excited, but shysters trying to get a second of fame or cash for phony photos piss me off. Anyway, here's some street art!










Murals on Post street in the Tenderloin, painted over a boarded-up building. Now defaced by tags.

Summer Snapshots from Childhood [a haiku series]

skin sticks, muggy rooms
late June, ready to go run
summer vacation

Palumbo Park days
games crafts drawing aliens
Montrose pool is cool

waking up early
field trips-- we wore uniforms
shirts my dad designed

kids tease me-- I'm weird
couns'lers too, mock, yellow bus
I hope school starts soon

lungs tired, sea salt air
dodging green-head flies; bike rides,
tag, late nights, board walks

road trips, car loaded
Civil War, coastal Maine shore
backseats, writing raps

license plate BINGO
travel book, twenty questions
rock climbs, shells, sea glass

chocolate vanilla
swirl dripping, t-shirt, shorts stained
melted refreshment

rainstorm puddle jumps
chasing, shoes squishing, soaked clothes
nature renovates

Granny's creek, bugs skip
rubber boots, shoveling mud
splashing with her dogs

barbecue smoke wanes
we run after fireflies
lawn chair moonlit lounge

closet-stashed new school clothes
sister and I try on, flaunt
excited, new year

Water ice and bodily fluids (a cautionary tale)

My guest post is up at Lady Estrogen's blog! Check it out now!!

The post is a story which I have never told to anyone. It's really embarrassing and completely ridiculous, but what else would you expect of a 15 year old working her first over-the-counter paying job (babysitting, shoveling sidewalks, etc don't count).

That photo below is a shot of my dad's "Wall of Shame" at his office. The newspaper clip is a puff piece from the South Philly Review about cool summer treats, and the photos are of me and my sister on South street, after having received a free water ice from my friend Carrie, who was working at Rita's at the time.

Look how short my hair is. Ugh, never again.

Psychology of Social Networking [INFOGRAPHIC] & guest post

Information Graphics by TASCHEN (albyantoniazzi)

Howdy, peeps! I have a guest post over at Lady Estrogen's blog going up at midnight tonight, detailing an extremely embarrassing experience I had when I was 15.

Go check it out! Set your alarm clocks!

On to today's post: Anyone else getting emails from folks who make infographics?

Since last year, I've gotten at least six emails asking if I would like to post an infographic, usually from an online education organization. I don't post them all, but I post the gems.

There was the one about fast food and obesity, the "day in the life of the internet" graphic, both which were emailed to me.

Then every once in a while, I'll find some cool graphics on the net while looking for an image to add to a post, like this social network life cycle and rad Soviet-style propaganda art. Infographics are cool, and perfect to post on a day like today. ENJOY!