The Tsaritsa Sez

A one-sided, all-male hearing on contraception...

2012-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

I had to. This story pissed me off too much.

The "Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 2012," introduced by Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), would allow any company or institution of any kind to refuse coverage of contraceptives on the basis of religious beliefs.

By the way, this discussion was not about religious freedom-- that's only what the Republicans want you to think so you'll be scared into voting for them. This ruling is not about religious freedom or religious anything, it's about barring women equal access to healthcare coverage. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the twenty-first century.

Did you know that a lot of women take birth control pills for reasons unrelated to sexual intercourse? For instance, when I was 16 (and a virgin) I was prescribed birth control pills *just* to get a regular period. Other women take them to treat their severe menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts, and other medical issues unrelated to birth control.

I wonder if these same people who are hellbent on restricting access to birth control are as hellbent on restricting men's access to Viagra. Methinks not.

I just can't believe that this happened-- a conversation over a ruling that will only affect women, yet not even one woman was allowed to tell her side of the story. What the hell? Women who vote Republican-- you are extremely confusing to me. Why stick with the side that's continuously giving us the shaft?

UPDATE: I received an email this morning from a gentleman from Newsy.com named Greg who somehow stumbled upon this post. Here's what he wrote:

Alexandra,

I enjoyed your post about the contraceptives hearing by Issa. I agree that it is pretty disconcerting that there were NO women at a hearing about women's contraceptives rights. I think that you did a great job using your insight and experience to bring an important perspective to this issue. That being said, I think you'd find the following Newsy video interesting:

The above Newsy video uses a variety of different sources to help break down the problems with Issa's hearing, including a detailed description of why he didn't allow Ms. Fluke to testify. It also features an interview with DC Representative Elizabeth Holmes-Norton, who walked out of the hearing in protest. I hope that you embed the video in your post, as I think it'll add a detailed multimedia perspective to your post.

Thanks,
Greg

Style doppleganger on The Big Bang Theory

2012-02-16T11:05:00.000-08:00

This is the outfit I wear on a daily basis: jeans, Vans sneakers, a tee shirt, a hoodie, and my green, sun-bleached military surplus jacket.

I wear a version of this outfit pretty much every day of the working week, unless I have plans to go somewhere special after work. The jeans are cute, but also easy to wear. The hoodie is practical for San Francisco's ever-changing weather, as is the surplus jacket. I walk home from work and at the beginning I'm a little chilly so I'm zipped up, but as the walk continues I can unbutton and unzip as my body temperature increases from all the exertion from walking up those hills. And the sneakers are because I clearly don't give a crap what people think, otherwise I'd be wearing high heels every day.

It wasn't until recently that I started watching The Big Bang Theory, recommended to me by my friend, Kenny. We were at a party over the summer and he asked me if I had ever seen the show. I looked at him like he had three heads, "What is that?" He told me it was hilarious, but I waited four or five months before deciding to check it out for myself.

The show really is hilarious, and imagine my surprise when I realized that I dress exactly like one of the main characters.

Leonard is also a fan of the military surplus jacket and hoodie combination, and is most often seen wearing jeans and sneakers to complete this ensemble. We're totally twins.

"Hospital" by the Modern Lovers; deconstructing a love song

2012-02-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

I've got a special Valentine's Day treat for you! I'm going to deconstruct one of my favorite heart-wrenching love songs.

The Modern Lovers was a band from Boston, Massachusetts led by Jonathan Richman.The group formed in 1970 and disbanded in 1973; making recordings but never able to land a record deal.

[If you've never heard of The Modern Lovers, I'm sure you know Jonathan. He was the guy singing the songs in There's Something About Mary.]

Their work has been said to be the link between the Velvet Underground and the punk rock movement that was yet to emerge. I own their first self-titled album, The Modern Lovers. It is at times sarcastic ("Pablo Picasso"), energetic ("Road Runner"), assertive ("I'm Straight"), and pensive and melancholy ("Hospital").

I listened to this album for the first time eight years ago. At that point in my life many things were changing. I had just started college, a group of my friends just moved into their own apartment and a friend I had secretly loved for two years had just confessed to me that he felt the same. It was a time of new beginnings and everything was quite hectic.

Although Greg (not his real name) and I thought we were in love with each other, we weren't sure of what to do. We didn't know if it was a good idea to date, seeing as we were friends first, and we were members in the same circle of friends, which was our world. It was a very confusing era.

On my visits to see Greg, via SEPTA bus, I would listen to the Modern Lovers song, "Hospital." My friend, Dave, gave me a copy of the CD and I became obsessed with it upon first listen. I loved their sound- the raw guitars, the flowing keyboards, and Richman's sometimes-creepy, sometimes-romantic songs of woe and wanting.

I don't know what this song has that made (and continues to make) me love it so much. At the time it was both comforting and saddening to hear, but I would play it repeatedly as I sat on the bus. This song serves as a marker for that period of my life. Whenever I hear it, I get immediately transported back to that time.

The Tsaritsa as a young buck. I was 19 when this photo was taken, by my good friend Josh Baker.

The song begins with organ music in a minor key, basically setting the tone for the entire piece. Jonathan begins his tale "When you get out of the hospital... let me back into your life. I can't stand what you do; I'm in love with your eyes..." At this point, the drums kick in, un-abrasive, quietly keeping the slow and gloomy beat that resides through each verse.

The chorus that comes in after each verse "I can't stand what you do, sometimes I can't stand you..." is faster and more manic, giving me the feeling that the speaker of this tale is as confused as he is passionate about this subject- the girl from the hospital whose eyes he loves. "But I'm in love with this power that shows through in your eyes," is a great line, further proving this conflict he has within himself over this girl who doesn't love him, but he can't resist her.

I love the gentle guitars in this song that provide the melody over the deep and mournful organ- his bodily organ (heart) and the musical organ. The bass also adds a special sadness to the piece- it is slow and provides texture to the rhythm, going over the drums with a more complex progression.

My favorite thing about this song is its ability to convey Richman's feelings of anger, love, and longing. Sure, some lines are a bit stalker-ish (like when he describes walking around outside the girl's apartment with tears in his eyes), but it's nothing I haven't done before (probably you, too) when I was in love, plus they truly give the listener an image of his emotions- he sings them with a great passion in his voice.

The best line is when Richman says he sometimes goes to the girl's suburban childhood home to "seek out the things that must have been magic to your little-girl-mind."

Throughout the song one can hear a warbling in Richman's voice, as if he's having a hard time singing about this topic. He's not just singing another cheesy love song; his words are honest, maybe embarrassing, but heart-wrenching, nonetheless.

The song ends with the same line with which it began, creating a circle of confused and powerful emotions over a girl who probably could have cared less. There is some finality musically- "I can't stand what you do; I'm in love with your eyes," is sung with the voice alone, a closed-chord on the guitar completing the line, and the organ music drifting and carrying out.

For your listening pleasure. Not sure why I didn't originally include this video in the post. Duh.

This song is really spooky-sounding to me, and I love it. I have always found myslef attracted to pieces played in the minor key. When I play this song at home on my stereo, I always have the volume turned up with full bass- so I can feel the notes reverberating through me. Although this song reminds me of a very confusing time in my life, I still enjoy listening to it over and over again. To me, this is the Modern Lovers most complete song.

Tsaritsa & Hip-Hop Part 1: How it all began

2012-02-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Under the advice of Middle Class Musician, my guide to the music industry, I am going to do a series on this blog about hip-hop music and my relationship with it.

Don't forget to check out and download (for free!) my two new songs "Baloney" (which I need your help in filming my music video) and "Modern Day Hustla."

If you like what you hear, pass it along to a friend :)

Last Friday, I met up with MCM for an interview, which will be featured on their site this week. Check back here later in the week for a link to that post.

I have always had a deep love for music. I remember standing around in the outfield during softball practice when I was nine years old, picking Mexican hat weeds and making up my own songs.

Even earlier, at age four, I was putting on shows for my family, singing and dancing and even signing in American Sign Language. My dad converted our old home movies onto DVDs and looking back on these moments now is pretty funny, but it's interesting to see that not much has changed. Once a ham, always a ham.

My parents did their best in sheltering me and my sister when we were younger. We weren't allowed to watch MTV or listen to gangsta rap, but we were allowed to watch VH1 music videos (at the time, VH1 played mostly R&B and pop videos from the present day and the past, while MTV's content was a little too raw for my folks). My parents were big fans of rock and roll and in the car and at home we listened to a lot of The Beatles, Rolling Stones, David Bowie, Pink Floyd, and even the Sex Pistols (road trips were always packed with homemade mixed tapes).

My dad was always giving me new music to listen to, as well. I got the En Vogue cassette when I was 8 and rocked out to The Shangri-las and The Supremes even before that on my Fisher Price record player.

In high-school, I listened to mostly indie rock, like Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Built To Spill, Rainer Maria, Sleater-Kinney, and anything else I could get my hands on. I went to as many shows at the First Unitarian Church in Philadelphia, the base of R5 Productions who were always bringing great bands to Philly, as my curfew would allow, and spent a good part of my paychecks from my menial jobs buying CDs at Spaceboy and Repo Records on South Street.

I would, and still do, devour music albums at a time, listening to them again and again from start to finish, picking out my favorites with continuous play. Once you listen to a song a few times you begin to notice the little intricacies and subtleties buried within. Unlocking these musical secrets and figuring out what was going on and how it was accomplished was, and still is, one of my favorite things about listening to music.

Eminem's The Slim Shady LP was my first hip-hop CD, which I borrowed from a friend and dubbed onto a tape when I was 13. My parents did not approve, but then again they didn't know that I owned it.

I didn't start broadening my hip-hop horizons until my last year of high-school when I "discovered" Power 99 radio and the hip-hop freestyle battles they had on weekend evenings. One particularly memorable battle, one that really bit me with the bug, featured a lady MC named Sheisty, I was captivated, and soon began writing my own rhymes.

In college, I was a hip-hop fiend and dedicated a lot of time buying new mixtapes off the street on Temple University's campus in North Philly and challenging my friends to friendly rap battles. I schooled myself on the classics, from DJ Kool Herc to the Fat Boys to Golden Age game changers like Wu-Tang Clan and Public Enemy, and more. I was seriously hooked, and I wanted more. So when a friend of mine suggested that we start a hip-hop group together, how could I resist?

Stay tuned for Part 2 of Tsaritsa & Hip-Hop: Lady MCs Who Inspire Me

What's in a name? On being Alexandra

2012-02-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

I like my name: Alexandra. I think it sounds regal and elegant-- two things which I am not, but hey a girl can have aspirations, right?

My mom told me that she named me after a character in a book she was reading. She doesn't remember which book, but I guess she liked the sound of the name and the meaning behind it.

From Wikipedia, which is always reliable: "Etymologically, the name is a compound of the Greek verb ἀλέξειν (alexein) 'to defend' and the noun ἀνδρός (andros), genitive of ἀνήρ (anēr) 'man.' Thus it may be roughly translated as 'protector of man.' The name was one of the titles given to the Greek goddess Hera and as such is usually taken to mean 'one who comes to save warriors'."

That's pretty badass, right? Yeah, I know it's a few syllables to spit out every time you want to address me, but it's only four. "Big Mac with fries" is as many syllables, and most people have no problem with that.

Some people call me "Alexandria," which is an entirely different name, and more suited to a physical location. I am not a city, I am not Alexandria. When you call me that you're only making it harder on yourself by adding that extra syllable. Just stop it.

Growing up my nickname was "Allie." In high-school, to sound more grown-up, I would introduce myself as "Alexandra," but would drop the airs with friends because they already knew that I wasn't an adult (though I was the one who everyone turned to when an important call needed to be made because I could sound the most professional over the phone).

I like Allie as a nickname because it's cute (it was also the name of Holden Caulfield's little brother), and definitely prefer it over Alex (which is a boy's name) and Al (who drives a taxi cab and smokes a cigar, as my dad would say).

In college, when I was using Alexandra exclusively (but still being called by my nickname by friends), a friend told me that Allie sounds like a girl who passes out at frat parties. I thought that was gross, and untrue (the only frat party I ever went to I was there for ten minutes, long enough to walk through the house and decide I had better things to do), and made me want to stay away from my nickname even more if it had that type of negative connotation.

Defender of men? How about Destroyer of men? hehe My favorite booth at MacWorld was the second floor display of original South Park cells and South Park fan art, like this sweet painting of Cartman.

The reason I wanted to write this post is because almost every time I introduce myself to someone here at this new job I get asked about my name.

"Oh, Alexandra... Are you Russian?"

"Alexandra, huh? Are you Greek?"

"Alexandra, interesting. You know in Spanish it's 'Alejandra.'"

"Alexander? Were you named after Alexander the Great?"

I'm not complaining, it's just funny to me. I guess chatting about the origin or meaning of your name is safe grounds for small talk. I am often asked where my name comes from, as the questions above will show you, and I sometimes tell the real story, and other times I say that I like to think I was named after the last Empress of Russia, even though I know this isn't true. It's a fantasy, and the inspiration behind this blog title. Let me continue dreaming about being elegant and refined and draped in velvet, like George Costanza.

What does your name mean? What does it mean to you?

VIP: Infected Mushroom at The (legendary) Fillmore

2012-02-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

Ben is friends with Erez of Infected Mushroom. Last time we saw him in Los Angeles he invited us to come see him perform the next time he was in San Francisco. The day before Christmas Eve happened to be that time and we were given four VIP passes for the Infected Mushroom concert.

I have to say that I'm not crazy about trance music-- it's Ben's thing. I have my hip-hop, he has his electronica. I can appreciate it for what it is, I just have a hard time dancing to it, and I love dancing.

Well, the latest Infected Mushroom album kind of puts a different spin on trance music. It still has that electronic feel, but it also has the dancey/fun qualities of a rock and roll album. I really like it, and I can definitely dance to it.

We had a blast at the show and took advantage of the VIP treatment we received by raiding the cooler in the Infected Mushroom dressing room (Infected Dressing Room?) and being able to sprawl out and relax and stare down at the groundlings from our balcony view. Check out the video Ben's friend Niko made, and the photos I took over a month ago at the show.

Modern Day Hustla & more #TsaritsaEP

2012-02-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

Today I am proud to offer to you a new song that I wrote, over the Rick Ross "Hustlin" beat, called "Modern Day Hustla." This little ditty embodies what I, and many others, have been going through during these tough economic times.

Click here to read about my goals for being an MC, and to hear my song "Baloney"

As I've written about on this blog, I was unemployed for eighteen months after being laid off from my job as a personal assistant, and in the interim spent my time applying for writing jobs and internships and basically anything else that I was qualified for.

I took some odd jobs, including working the busy phone lines at a nursery and spending my days at home building an online community for Monster's BeKnown.

It was tough, and for a while I was living strictly hand to mouth. I've always been frugal and this experience really put that skill to the test. Creativity proved to be a saving grace for me during this time, working on projects I created for myself (publishing zines, making music, writing and reading as much as I could) kept me motivated while I was looking for work.

I probably should have released "Modern Day Hustla" before I released "Baloney." The latter is more of a B-side, according to my friend Middle Class Musician, and I totally agree. "Baloney" is very goofy, while "Modern Day Hustla" has a more serious message. "Modern Day Hustla" is a motivator for me (and hopefully for others) but it is also playful, with lyrics like:

"I'm a go-getter, and you should know better / Fall back like a granny, knit a sweater"

Let me know what you think of the tune!

If you like, send out a tweet about it and use the hashtag #TsaritsaEP. Also, I got a few inquiries about appearing in the video for "Baloney." I'll post some more information about recording your own video to be used in my project. Yay! I'm psyched! Hopefully, I'll be able to release the EP in its entirety this month :)

How the Occupy Wall Street Movement is Impacting Students

2012-02-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

A little while ago I received an email from a lady named Alicia wanting to know if she could write a guest post for my blog.

She is a writer as well, and she told me that when she read my posts about the Occupy Movement she felt inspired to write an article of her own, with a focus on students. Please enjoy!

The Occupy Wall Street (OWS) movement has made a significant impact on students across the country.

In particular, issues of student debt, lack of job opportunities, and general income disparity have resonated strongly within the student community. As a result there have been a host of cases of student activism across the nation.

Since the beginning of the Occupy movement, student loans have been a centerpiece in the campaign’s arguments and one of its main focal points.

The increasing cost of college, combined with the lack of jobs available to college graduates, have led to a growing number of students defaulting on their loans.

Similarly, many students find the new student loan policies to be problematic. They cite large slashes in federal student and large grant cuts, and the handing over of student aid programs to private lenders (who might privatize the industry for profit) as major sources of contention.

In order to protest these loans, the students involved in OWS have banned them altogether. Additionally, they have begun an Occupy Student Debt campaign. According to Inside Higher Ed, the campaign urges students to default on their student loan payments as soon as one million students have pledged to do the same.

Some universities have gone as far as to integrate protesting into the college curriculum. As Online Teaching Degree points out, the role of teachers is to “inspire us; [and] fill our minds with logic and knowledge.” and by allowing students to partake in the protest while simultaneously earning class credit, Columbia University is doing exactly that. In order to receive credit for the course, students must attend both seminars and do field work in the Occupy Wall Street protests. Interestingly, Columbia isn't then only school incorporating OWS into its classrooms, as New York University and The New School are now also offering similar courses.

However, student involvement in OWS has not always mild. In UC Berkeley, a group of students were beat with batons as they attempted to set up tents in the local Sproul Plaza. Six students and an assistant professor were arrested in the ordeal. Similarly, another student protest in UC Davis turned violent after police pepper sprayed a line of handcuffed student protestors.

Such hardships have only thrust the issues of the growing disparity of income distributions, high default rates on student loans and a narrow set of available jobs into the spotlight. This type of national attention, along with education and reform, are precisely the goal of students involved with the movement.

Tuition raises, along with other hitches in the price of college education, have caused many students to join the Occupy movement in order to express their dissatisfaction with the current system. Tuition hikes upwards of 16 percent have been rumored across the country, effectively creating dissatisfied students everywhere.

In addition, many college students are beginning to question whether or not the government should completely subsidize education. Many Occupy protesters believe education should be a right, and as a result this belief has permeated unto many students not involved with the protests.

However not all students support OWS. For instance, when one NYU senior was asked to join the local Occupy movement, the student emailed the president of the university, describing the Wall Street movement as being filled with “criminals, drug addicts, [and] mentally ill people.” While this is a fairly isolated opinion, many students don’t approve of the ambiguous and unclear goals of the Occupy movement.

Despite some indifference to OWS, many students cling dearly onto the principals and ideals the movement pushes over education. The need for a cheaper, federally funded higher education system resonates strongly with many students, particularly those stuck with years of paying back staggering students loans and those struggling to become employed.

The OWS movement has undoubtedly made a large impact upon the country’s student body. A number of Occupy’s stances deal with major issues in education pertinent to students involved with higher-level education.

Many students have joined the movement, and many students have adamantly rejected it. Yet regardless of students’ stances, the movement has drawn national and international attention to the overwhelming student debt, income disparity and narrow job options for college graduates.

Haters are like crickets, crabs. Philosophizing Mob Wives/Wu-Tang Clan

2012-02-03T12:49:00.000-08:00

Drita's not my favorite character on Mob Wives. Renee is my fave, she's kooky and acts like a badass, even though she's completely neurotic. Drita, on the other hand, is mean spirited and controlling, but she did drop some truth on a recent episode which I would like to share with you.

She compared haters to crickets:

I agree. People who are overly critical of others who are trying to do something with their lives tend to only really voice their true feelings when you're not within earshot. But the moment you walk by it's all hunky-dory.

Wu-Tang Clan calls this type of person a "crab." You ever hear the expression about crabs in a barrel? If one crab tries to escape his fate of being cooked alive for dinner, the moment he starts climbing up the side of the barrel to freedom the other crabs will start pulling him down. "If I can't succeed, neither can you," is the mentality of a crab.

What do you think?

Get To Know Your Fellow Blogger vlog swap (the first, like, ever!)

2012-02-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

survey question (Photo credit: roboppy)

Remember those old Livejournal surveys we used to fill out when we were bored and pubescent?

Or perhaps you're like me and remember the old email surveys my friends and I would fill out and forward back in high-school, or the MySpace surveys that were plastered all over my feed (is that what that little box was called? it's been so long, I can't recall) my early college years.

Today, may I present to you a throwback vlog swap brought to us by Jas of Smile Big and Pretty. She rounded all of us up together to videotape ourselves answering some silly questionnaire questions.

Silly questionnaires-- what is the point of filling them out? Because they're silly, of course.

I guess maybe part of us thinks that we learn something about ourselves every time we ponder the notion of the proper way to eat spaghetti, or maybe we really do learn something deep about one another by going through a laundry list of nonsense?

Maybe we just like to hear the sound of our own voices-- we're Gen-Y after all, baby, and we tend to act like we're the generation who invented self-promotion. Well, we perfected it anyway.

Enough of my ruminations, here's Jas! Don't forget to check out my half of the swap on Smile Big and Pretty!

My sweet new office (and title of Office Manager)

2012-02-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

Quick photodump of views of my new office. I finally broke my unemployment streak a few weeks ago when I began working as the Office Manager for the San Francisco Elks Lodge, the oldest continuous Lodge in Elkdom.

The Elks are a social club for people who want to "invest in their communities through programs that help children grow up healthy and drug-free, by undertaking projects that address unmet need, and by honoring the service and sacrifice of our veterans."

It's a great organization and I'm very happy to be working for them. My duties include managing membership, helping to organize events, keeping track of the funds that we receive, and addressing any issues that the members have. The Lodge itself is historic (it was the third Lodge in the country to be established, just after New York City and Philadelphia) and beautiful with intricately carved wood paneling and heavily adorned ceilings. The Lodge is located in a hotel, which was formerly the Elks Hotel, and I've heard from numerous sources that it's haunted. I'm so excited to be working here!

Baloney, multiple personalities, and be in my video!

2012-01-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Occupy This is the tentative title of the hip-hop EP I've spent the past few months working on (if you prefer any of the other titles I was considering, you can still voice your opinion here).

On Sunday, I uploaded a funny track called "Baloney" (what is it with me and baloney? I don't even eat it anymore). It's a rap over the Dead Prez "Hip Hop" beat and addresses the issue of rising up and going after goals even when others are trying to pull you down.

I hope you like it-- and if you like it enough to share, please include the hashtag #TsaritsaEP.

For everyone who shares the song and uses the hashtag, I'll send you a special sticker in the mail :)

I'm planning on making a music video for this song, and I need your help! All you need to do is download "Baloney," make a video of yourself making and or eating a sandwich (preferably baloney, but it can be any kind of sandwich) while playing the song (you can dance or not dance, just have fun with it), and then email it to me so I can include it in the final cut. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

Before I release the album in full, I want to tell you more about my goals and the idea behind it. This was a suggestion by my friend, Middle Class Musician, who has insider knowledge of the music industry. So here goes:

What does music mean to me?

I am a writer. I love poetry, but I also love music. I see it as a vehicle for my thoughts, my rhymes, my words.

I've always felt passionately about music. I started writing my own songs at age nine and was involved in choirs and garage bands since grade school. Music is a love of mine and I hope that love comes through in this album.

What is this album about?

This EP is a compilation of songs I've written recently that reflect the current political and economical climate, a series of rallying cries encouraging people like me who are following our dreams despite any lurking obstacles. Some of my rhymes are funny, but the deeper meaning behind the lyrics are meant to be taken seriously. I hope that you enjoy them and find them to be inspirational.

Who is Malthus?

Malthus is a controlling personality. She's dominating and powerful. Her facade may seem evil, but she is actually a double agent working for the people.

Who is Tsaritsa?

Tsaritsa is the Everywoman. She faces adversity, but she is determined and fearless.

What inspires me?

I'm inspired by legends like the Wu-Tang Clan, The Roots, Blackstar, OutKast, Dr. Dre, TLC, The Beatles, and countless others. I like music that is fun to listen to but also has something to say. The message doesn't always have to be positive, but there should be substance.

I created this album because I feel like there are not enough lady MCs making records right now who have something to say, that is something more to rap about than what's in their pants. There are plenty of lady MCs who do have something to say, but they don't get the attention they deserve. I want to try to change that.

Hair done, nails done, errything did

2012-01-27T14:09:00.000-08:00

Jillian of Joules Jewels Vintage and I had a girls night last, which was very much appreciated on my part. Our evening included a fine red wine, some delicious cupcakes from Cako (they're a San Francisco bakery that was featured on Food Network's Cupcake Wars, and their treats are amazing), hip-hops, and nail polish! Check out my sweet nails, inspired by leopard rosettes.

Jillian's boyfriend, Elvis, asked me why I looked different, if I had done something to my hair. I told him that I brushed it that morning. A little brushing really goes a long way.

Collecting: Three pairs of shoes, three stories, three futures

2012-01-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Three pairs of shoes sit patiently under a dust-coated coffee table. The shoes are all similar because they are no longer worn, being so worn out, sharing familiar holes in soles, scuffs, and run-down heels and toes. Yet they're all different.

I’ve tried wearing my favorite of the three, the pair sitting in the middle, deep forest green flats that I copped from some discount store in Brighton. They got me through last spring, summer, fall, and most of winter, before it became too cold to wear shoes with no socks. I hate just seeing them sit there. They await their sentence.

For a month I spoke of getting them fixed, but that was a while back. My new plan for them is to make something with them, some type of art or whatever. I want them nailed to my wall, but first something should be done to the inside of the shoe: photographs, decorations. I have a few ideas.

I will probably paint inside one of the shoes and paint on the sole of the other, probably the one with the hole that goes straight through. I want to paint in dark blue ink. And make it look messy, but clever. I think I can achieve that.

To the left of the green shoes are my old red vinyl shoes, my favorite dancing shoes, man-made in China. I want to draw two pictures of pinup girls and put them inside the shoe to hang up. It's appropriate. The shoes are not heels, but they are heel enough for me, with slip-slide bottoms that have become so worn on my outer edges of my heels (due to my supinating) that they make me walk crooked. I haven't worn them in six months because of that and the nagging of my mother, who fears I'll ruin my posture in wearing ill-conditioned shoes.

The third pair is quite unique: leather made, embroidered, and very colorful. I‘d receive so many compliments whenever I wore them: "Where did you get those shoes?!" "Oh my god they're so cute!" blah blah blah. I don't wear shoes, or clothing, or anything for that matter, to receive compliments. It's nice or whatever, but also kind of annoying. I must just have really good taste.

My plan for the last pair will include hot candle wax, white paint, and clear lacquer. I want them to look like I stepped in a puddle of indeterminate white goo on my way to school, and I just let it dry, not bothering to clean or even wipe it off. Apathy is so attractive.

I don’t know why I keep these shoes that I can no longer wear, other than my pipe dream of "making art" with them.

I don’t know why I keep most things, except it makes me happy for the moment that they are collected. It’s also fun to look back over the piles of kept garbage that have accumulated over the years and try to remember what I was thinking at that time. I guess I’m a pack rat, but not in the traditional sense. I don’t horde everything; in fact I’m quite fond of throwing out a lot of bullshit.

And I do, regularly. I have friends who are true pack rats, who keep their clothes from high-school that do not fit and aren’t worth saving, who keep stacks of old, water-stained magazines left to the devices of dust mites, with collections under their beds looking like a combination of what you'd find at a rummage sale, North Broad street, and the basement of the Mütter Museum. I like clutter, but not a lot of it. Not like that.

When I collect things (pieces of paper I find on the street, small toys, bits of cloth, lost things) I keep them laying around for a little while before I catalogue them in some way. Some found things get taped to my walls, others get documented into a notebook, others lay in folders, shoe boxes, coffee cans (like the old love notes I used to save, later burned).

I welcome the disorder, so long as I can contain it and personalize it. It’s just something to do, something like a hobby, making art.

Note: I wrote this in college. The shoes mentioned in the above story have all been thrown away, or are perhaps somewhere in the depths of the closet in my old bedroom in Philadelphia. I still want to do this shoe project, perhaps with some old shoes currently in my collection.

Tumblr, Pinterest, what's the difference? & micro-blogging burnout

2012-01-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

Image via CrunchBase

Tumblr is a cool microblogging platform that allows its users to instantly share their own original content (video, photography, quotations, text, links, audio), or reblog or "like" the content that other people share.

When I first joined Tumblr I thought that the user base seemed pretty young overall-- I noticed a lot of teenagers posting and immediately felt like a creepy old geezer. But after learning how to use the site, customizing my blog template, and searching through scores of Tumblogs, I found a community of wonderful friends, artists, writers, and photographers to follow.

Tumblr has been great for me, personally, because it has brought new artists to my attention, kept me in tune with causes that are important to me (like the 99 Percent) it has enabled me to share my photography and favorite street art with others, and it has helped to keep me inspired whenever I feel like I need a visual (or audible) pick-me-up. There is also a chat function on Tumblr, but I have never had the chance to use it. Maybe I should? Do you use chat on Tumblr?

Pinterest is another fun microblogging platform, but it has its own unique twist. Users create virtual pinboards with various themes like "Things that inspire me" or "Recipes to try out" and add images to their boards by uploading or typing in the url of the site where the image was found so that the original content creator gets credit. Users can also repin and "like" the content that other Pinners share.

The point of the boards on Pinterest is so that you can organize your content so that you can easily find it. Some people even use their pinboards to plan their wedding or get ideas when the time comes to redecorate their apartment. It's like scrapbooking, except everything is online and accessible to anyone. I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but I should start a board to help me plan my first hip-hop music video. Sweet!

The result is a colorful collection of items curated by people all over the web. It seems to me that women are the targeted and actual demographic currently, but I'm sure more dudes will check it out as its popularity increases.

The reason I'm writing this post is because I've been contemplating my use (overuse?) of the multiple blogging platforms I've joined and wondering if there was any redundancy. I belong to a lot of social media (Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, et cetera) and blogging platforms (Blogger, Tumblr, Pinterest), and I sometimes have the feeling that there is too much on my cyber plate.

Pinterest isn't too different from Tumblr-- both are highly visual, and both allow the user to post and reblog content instantly. The draw of Pinterest is the ability to organize your content on neat and pretty boards, while the draw of Tumblr is the community of artists, photographers, musicians and others who use the site to share their work.

I like both sites, but I don't want to get burnt out. Maybe I'm not using the sites correctly? I have no idea. Do you use Tumblr and/or Pinterest? Do you ever worry about micro-blogging burnout?

Art and activism, and "Look, ma! My face is on a poster!"

2012-01-23T05:00:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's my face on a poster. How did it get there? I turned up on the first page of an image search for "shaking fist" and received an email from Nathan, who was looking to create a poster to spread awareness of an upcoming event at Lesley University.

Alexandra,

Any chance we could have permission to use your image of you 'shaking your fist' on a poster promoting an Artist & Activist conference at Lesley University? It would probably be altered to be high contrast or posterized with a Photoshop filter. Your image turned up on a google image search of "shaking fist."

The copy would read something like...
"Would you lift a finger to make the world a better place?"
"No, not that finger."
and then go on to ask people to click on "send" to forward information about the conference.

We want more people to attend this small event in two weeks and so I am proposing to raise the provocation level. It appears that activism itself needs to be activated, even at the epicenter of Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Thank you for your consideration of this.

Nathan

Of course you can use the image, I replied, so long as my blog was cited as the source of the photo.

It's a pretty nice feeling to get random requests like this. To me, it says that I'm doing something right with my methods of blogging. Just last week I made some quick money by inserting a link to an online college into an article I wrote four months ago on the topic of students, entrepreneurs, and freelancers benefiting from using social media.

I guess this is how some bloggers make their living, which is pretty sweet. I hope to continue getting offers for linking and requests to use my photos. Who knows, maybe I can start making bank from blogging? That is every blogger's wet dream, right? To get paid for what we love to do?

I'm not a fan of writing endorsements, unless I'm endorsing something that I truly believe in. Sales isn't exactly my passion, but if I have faith in something, or I absolutely can't get enough of something, then I will stand behind it and write an endorsement. Link dropping is a little different because while I am somewhat endorsing the service or product that is being linked-to, it isn't the focus of the post. And as in the case above, the link is dropped ex post facto.

That being said, I haven't been paid to say anything about this event, but I think that it sounds pretty interesting. If you're a fan of the arts, are socially active, and want to learn how we can use the arts to make our communities better for everyone, and if you live anywhere near Cambridge, Massachusetts you should check out the conference. Read the blurb below (sent to me by Nathan), and go to the Lesley University to find out more.

This is the second annual conference focused on how the arts are used as social action and as acts of courage and vision. This year’s conference will look at the concept of public, private and community space and how the arts can be used to transform public, private and community space into thought provoking catalysts to address a wide range of social, political, and psychological issues.

This conference will feature local, national and international artists, activists, educators, and mental health care professionals presenting the important work they are doing to bring about change and awareness. Speakers will address issues such as violence, healthcare disparities, and other social inequities, to promote civic engagement, advance the health of whole persons and whole communities, address the healing of trauma, and utilize the arts to educate, to examine our world, and to envision future possibilities.

Photo-a-day challenge, week two [blue skies and douchey guys]

2012-01-20T13:06:00.000-08:00

Yay! Week two!!

Check out Week 1 of my January Photo-a-Day challenge here. If you're playing along, be sure to let me know so I can ogle your photos, too :)

Day 8: Your Sky

You don't see this color of blue just anywhere. San Francisco has the most gorgeous sunshine and the most brilliant skies, even in the wintertime (except right now because it's raining and gloomy, though we still get more sunshine than I ever did back in Philly).

Day 9: Daily Routine

I love my spiffy new office, and the spiffy view of Post street in downtown San Francisco that I have. When I need a moment of solace, I take a quick gaze outside then carry on with my work.

Day 10: Childhood

I used to sleep with Baby Donald every night. I remember once leaving him at my Aunt Brenda's house and being so upset that I couldn't sleep. My Uncle Bob ended up driving over to drop the stuffed animal off. I don't sleep with Donald any more, but I did take him back to San Fran with me the last time I visited my folks in Philly. For 26 years old, he still looks pretty good.

Day 11: Where You Sleep

Snuggle under the covers with my little Sook who likes to spoon.

Day 12: Close-up

This was going to be my "daily routine" photo, but it's also a close-up. I hate taking the bus, especially when I'm cram-jammed with a bunch of clueless people who don't understand the concept of personal space. This photo was taken just before getting pushed by a dude, who pushed me so hard that he knocked my coffee cup over, which incidentally spilled all over my jacket and pants. Nice one, bro.

Day 13: In Your Bag

Lots of lip gloss. There was more in my bag, but I didn't want to seem excessive. What?

Day 14: Something You're Reading

Yes, I do read my own zines! Actually, I have been meaning to start reading The Paris Wife, a novel by Paula McLain about Hadley Hemingway, wife of Ernest Hemingway, and her relationship with the author while living in Paris. I've already read this tale through Ernest's eyes, but it will be interesting to hear the other side. I've just been lazy since starting this job-- all I want to do after walking home from work is to crash and watch The Big Bang Theory.

Get ready for Azealia Banks...

2012-01-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

Image by pamhule via Flickr

I'm not sure how I stumbled upon this video. I think Bossip posted something on Twitter about Kreayshawn dissing this new up-and-coming rapper named Azealia Banks by retweeting the link to her video "212," but with a link to a porn site instead. Pretty nasty.

Anyway, the drama flare-up inspired me to check out Azealia's video, and boy am I glad that I did! This song is so dope-- the beat is danceable, with that reggaeton vibe, and Azealia can really rap. And sing. And she's only 19 years old.

Damn.

Makes me really want to make this hip-hop EP that I've been working on as perfect as I can get it, and get it out there. Not that I'm anywhere on this lady's level, but it makes me want to do better. I'm so motivated-- maybe it's because I can't get this song out of my head.

Don't just take my word for it, listen to the song yourself (unless you're offended by curse words, because then you shouldn't watch this video at all. Unless you can block out the curse words and concentrate on the hot beat).

Hello 2012, I'm doing it "My Way"

2012-01-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

This month our theme for Karaoke Ring of Death (by the way, that's the link to our new blog to serve as KROD's central hub be sure to check it out for the master list and important updates) is the new year, or as I think of it: "Hello 2012, Goodbye 2011."

I decided to perform a song that I wrote called "Fall Back / Stand Up" which brushes off negativity and calls for unity among the disenfranchised. You can check it out on Katie's blog, Struggling Single Twenty Something.

But before you do that, please check out Edwin's performance of "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. I love this song, the meaning behind it and what it means to Edwin, and I love that Edwin went with an official karaoke track to sing over.

I usually rely on singing over the singer (to hide my creeky voice), but Edwin doesn't need that because he is awesome.

Edwin is a relative newcomer to KROD, and a total newcomer to this blog, so let's show him some love! Sing it, Edwin!

Help me name my first hip-hop EP!

2012-01-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I posted a question on my Facebook wall asking friends to help me name my very first hip-hop EP.

Twenty-seven friends voted for "Occupy This," four voted for "East to West," "Philly Weirdo" and "C Note Parking" both got two votes, while "Tsaritsa is Here" and "Spirit of the Times" got one vote each.

I'm thinking I'll go with the crowd and choose "Occupy This," but I also want to give my dear readers a chance to voice their opinion. Which title do you think is the most eye-catching?

You can go to Facebook and add your vote there, or leave a comment here if you're not on The Book. Feel free to leave your own suggestion, as my Facebook friends have done (see below).

"Naughton By Nature" is so funny, I love it. I may use it as a song title.

I'm so serious about the hype-woman thing. I am currently planning a video shoot for my "Crew Anthem (Gucci Gucci)" song with my friend, DJ Lil Elle. I want to get a bunch of my friends in the video, so if you would like to be a hype extra, let me know and I'll keep you posted. I'm aiming for sometime in February.

Martin Willitts Jr., who wrote some poems for the latest issue of the zine, Be About It: Triumph left me a super awesome comment. I have respect for him as a writer, but to know that he was also a freestyle rhymer really impressed me.

"Tsar Bomba" is another brilliant name. I'll file that one away for later.

What do you think? If you have a good idea for an EP title, please tell me in the comments below. And don't be shy if you wanna get HYPE!

Death is a part of life, but it's a shitty part of life

2012-01-16T11:22:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Ben is gone again. He was away last week for the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show (CES) and now he is gone again.

He got a call while from his family he was away telling him that he should get back to Israel as soon as possible to see Safta, his grandmother, who wasn't doing too well. He booked his flight on Saturday, when he got back to San Francisco.

I was upset about Safta because I love her like my own grandmother.

When Ben and I visited Israel back in 2009 we spent a lot of time with Safta, and we grew a friendship. She was living in an old folks home, but she was still as smart as a whip. She was fluent in four languages and very well read. She didn't even mind my tattoos.

I had a dream about her on Saturday morning. I woke up thinking about her and thinking that I want to go back to Israel and see her again.

On Sunday morning Ben and I were on our way to brunch when he got a phone call from his mother telling him that his grandmother had passed. He made immediate arrangements to leave, and changed his flight to Monday morning.

I'm upset that his mother didn't get there in time to say goodbye, I'm upset that Ben didn't get there in time to say goodbye, and I'm upset that I didn't get to, either.

I think I'll call my Granny today and tell her how much I love her.

Photo-a-day challenge, week one [home is where the heart is]

2012-01-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

I saw this photography challenge from Fat Mum Slim, where you take a photo every day based on the day's topic. How fun, I thought, and got my camera from my desk drawer.

I always have my camera with me when I'm out, just in case I catch a singing and dancing flash mob, or I see some amazing street art painted on an abandoned building. But I also like having assignments. I'll be posting these photos in weekly sets, so please stay tuned! Also, feel free to join in the challenge-- it doesn't matter when you start :)

Day 1: You

My new favorite tee shirt.

Day 2: Breakfast

I like fruit in the morning.

Day 3: Something You Adore

How can you not adore such a stunning kitty?

Day 4: Letterbox

Cool mail boxes.

Day 5: Something You Wore

I love these little slippers. I wear them when I'm at home.

Day 6: Makes You Smile

Seeing inspiring street art makes me smile.

Day 7: Favorite

Yes, Ben is my favorite.

Wanna play?
Use the list below as a guide, and as inspiration, and take a photo each day. You can take it with your point-and-shoot camera, your big, fancy-pants DSLR, your iPhone {or equivalent} or whatever photo-taking-device you own.

You can upload you photos to Instagram, Twitter, Flickr, Path, Facebook, your blog or just keep them on your desktop {and not share at all}. Whatever you want to do is totally fine. You can take the list above literally and stick to it, or take inspiration and go crazy.

If you're sharing them on Twitter or Instagram - you can tag them with the hashtag #JANphotoaday so that everyone can follow along with you.

How to relieve anxiety & stress, or TMJ disorder & the joys of being an out-of-work Gen-Yer

2012-01-09T06:00:00.001-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Like many aspiring, up-and-coming young people, I have a lot of anxiety. It's actually something I've dealt with pretty much all my life-- I remember going to the nurse's office in grade school for "stomach aches" whenever I was worried about a test or if I was being picked on. In the past I have been able to take that nervous energy and transform it into constructive activity (like writing a story or composing a song), but recently the level of anxiety in my life has reached a tipping point.

I've had a lot on my plate this past year (unemployment, jumping from temp job to temp job, job rejection, unemployment benefit checks stopping, wondering how the hell I'm going to pay rent and buy groceries, contemplating signing up for food stamps, et cetera ad nauseam), and I'm still figuring out this being grown-up thing. Despite my best efforts in channeling that anxiety into something creative (with music, writing, drawing), I still have this horrible weight clinging onto my back for dear life.

Did I tell you that I went to a doctor recently? My neck was incredibly sore for months and I had no clear explanation why it was aching. It found out that I have a TMJ (Temporomandibular joint) disorder, an "acute or chronic inflammation of the temporomandibular joint, which connects the mandible to the skull."

I already knew that I grind my teeth at night while I sleep (I've been doing it since I was 10 years old), which is why I sleep with a mouth guard, but the Ear Nose Throat specialist told me that sitting in front of the computer isn't helping, nor is the clenching and grinding that I'm doing while I'm awake. And he's right-- I've caught myself clenching my jaw at all times of the day. It's a problem.

To treat the symptoms I'm staying away from super chewy foods (like bagels and raw vegetables) and using an ice pack on my neck at night. It's helping, but I need to get to the root of the problem: the anxiety and buried anger. It's crazy that my worries and frustrations are actually causing me physical pain, but it's real. Real scary.

Ben suggesting picking up kickboxing again, as a way to release all of that pent-up energy. I think I will sign up for a class. I also might benefit from a therapist who can help me manage my anger and anxieties, but I don't have the money to start seeing someone like that regularly.

Besides, I've been to therapy before (for anxiety when I was in high-school) and I feel like they never tell me anything I don't already know. I don't want to sit in a room so I tell my problems to a stranger, I want solutions. Answers. Tips. If I want to hear my own voice for an hour I can sit down for a one-on-one with Sookie. She may not give good advice, but she does make me feel instantly better when she nuzzles into my face.

So, with kickboxing a "maybe" and therapy out of the question, I took to the internet to find some simple solutions to controlling my emotional wreck of a self. Here is a list I compiled of stress relievers:

Relaxing (breathe deeply and think of something pleasant)
Cognitive restructuring (logic defeats anger: replace irrational thoughts with rational thoughts)
Problem solving (don't stress on trying to find a solution, instead make a plan and focus on a way to deal with the problem itself)
Better communication (do I even need to explain this one? be clear, listen, and don't jump to conclusions)
Using humor (think of something funny when you feel stress start to flare, but don't laugh off the problem-- use it to make sure you're not taking yourself too seriously)
Changing your environment (give yourself some space, a quiet moment to reflect and cool out)

Okay, so that's a good start. I've written down these little pointers on a sheet of paper that I keep with me, just in case I need to remember how to chill out. I also wanted to get some perspective from my friends, real people, so sometime back in December, I also asked you all at home to chime in with your own methods of controlling anger and anxiety. Here is the list:

"I'm trying this new thing where I tell myself it really doesn't matter. I try to think about the big picture, I'm only here for 80 or so years, I want to enjoy them and not worry about things that don't truly matter. That doucher who was mean to me at work today, I won't and don't want to remember him later in life, so I try to move on from things quickly." - Jordan of Trailer Gypsy

"When I'm not sick or recovering from a lame arm injury, I like to play drums. Hitting things with stick is a great stress reliever." - MRanthrope of Jim's Fear

"When I am stressed, I find this has helped: Grabbing Jen and the kitties, getting under a warm blankie and cuddling with a comfort show on TV. Or laying in bed with Jen, dishing everything. Xanax - or if you'd prefer a natural route: St. John's Wort. Also a natural route, Celestial's Tension Tamer Tea. Taking my notebook, writing down EVERYTHING I want to accomplish and figuring out how I can turn whatever is stressing me out around and for the better. This can be goals, daily accomplishments, even just facts. Distracting myself with good music, a book or magazine or a walk around the backyard." - Angie of Lariats and Lavender

"When I'm feeling stressed, I like to take a hot shower or bath, drink hot cocoa or tea, and watch sitcoms on Hulu." - Jay of Notes From Undisclosed Location

"Here are some things to do to avoid having stress cause you to blow your cool at work: Never send a hot email. Sure you can go ahead and type it, and vent by all means. But then you might want to put it in your drafts folder. If, by the next day, you still want to say the same things you put in your email, then, by all means, hit the send button after updating your resume. Another thing: in the office, when you get bad news or a raft of undeserved aggro, just smile. Then mentally count to ten. Then speak calmly ("OK" is a fine response)... Last thing you want to do is blurt out 'Oh yeah? So's your old man.' Best workplace stress reliever is to imagine the day that the offender's shallowness and lack of imagination, creativity (or whatever) is eventually discovered and he/she is fired. Relieving stress at home: I like the shower and bath ideas above, and I like the alcohol thing too. A punching bag might help, or shadow boxing, or jumping jacks (while listening to DEVO) or perhaps a more fun physical activity which shall remain unspecified, but, hopefully, with a partner." - my dad of Rumpletweezers World

"I don't have one sure-fire method for dealing with my stress and anxiety, but it usually helps to take a walk, talk to a good friend, or put my favorite song on repeat and dance around in my apartment. It also really helps to immerse myself in a project or activity that requires a lot of focus and concentration. For example, I've been editing a few music videos lately and when I really get in the zone with that, I don't really think about all of the stuff that stresses me out so much." - Lauren of Lauren vs. Reality

"Save it for home. Not in a dump on your spouse/roomie/friends way. J&I like to sit around and vent by Whining 'I'm the booooooooooooooooooooss!' often followed by 'I'm the boss.' (serious nods) [there is an employer that says that a LOT/uses it as an excuse to verbally abuse and debase employees]. Also: 1) Beating the shit out of an inanimate object/heavy bag with feet&fists of fury. Seriously, martial arts/kick box/flailing at something until you are tired and spent is a great way to drain that negative energy. I'm not advocating bare knuckle brawls with people on the street, but a safe outlet (aka exercise to exorcise). 2) Scream yoga, if that's your thing. Alternatively, cranking up some good tunes (be they peppy, ragey etc whatever floats your boat) and cranking up your voice. Don't worry about your pitch or your tone, don't worry if you're off key, the more ridiculous the better. Laugh at yourself, laugh LOUD. Increase the ridiculosity exponentially and embrace the healing powers of laughter. 3) Tea, tea, tea [or comfort drink of choice] and the ear of a good friend. No one wants to be That Person who is constantly complaining about their workplace, but if you really need to get something off your chest there is nothing like the empathy and understanding of a good friend, as long as you don't abuse the privilege." - Martina of Adventures in Building Beauty

"I've been doing something that's a common thing pop psychologists talk about, but I didn't know it at the time I started doing it (I was doing it while it was still indie, dammit!) They call it "fast-forward." I imagine myself being over something until I am. Er... more like, I imagine myself doing something destructive and then not caring a week later. Then I imagine myself not caring as much as week later... but also having NOT done something destructive. And the idea of that is usually better, even when I'm really freaking out. In the moment, it always feels like that moment will last forever, so I say to myself, Maybe this moment won't last forever? Maybe it will be over and I'll continue to live long after it's over? Also fish oil (or the algae source of EPA & DHA which costs 3 times as much) and L-theanine. I'm not into prescription drugs, but I'm definitely into those." - Benjamin Schuman

"I mostly jut... don't deal with it? I'm not sure, actually. I don't really get anything done until I start getting insanely stressed out -- it's my motivator. When it gets cripplingly bad, though, I bake. The measuring and the stirring and all of that is so mindless as to not be difficult while still requiring enough focus to get my mind off of whatever is inhibiting my ability to function. (My most recent blog post regrettably omitted the essential role that cookies played in getting me through my brother's week in Egyptian custody.) I think it's also helpful to have a good support network. You have to know yourself and the people in your life well enough to know which person is the right one to call for your particular state of OH MY GOD I AM JUST SO FUCKING ANXIOUS, but I have several people -- again, depending on the mood -- that I turn to when I need to be talked off the metaphorical ledge." - Sweeney of Sweeney Says

"Beer. A shit ton of beer." - Natalie of Awkward Sex and the City

I thank everyone who took the time to share their advice with me. It was really comforting to read your words, and made me feel less alone. I feel a lot more confident that I can kick this anxiety in the behind.

If you feel like I left anything off the list, please don't be shy-- tell me how you deal with stress and anxiety in the comments section below!

[Note: when I started this post, I was still unemployed and feeling a bit hopeless. I just started a new job and it's temp-to-hire, so I'm hoping that I will soon have full-time employment. I'm not completely financially secure, but I can see the light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel.]

Most Opinionated Blogger Award (validate me!)

2012-01-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

Guess what?! I was nominated for "Most Opinionated Blogger" in the Twenty-Something Blogger Bootleg Awards {VOTE HERE}!

I'm up against some pretty stiff competition, namely Rachel G King of The Southified Masshole, so please send a vote my way. I love Rachel's blog, and she's a great writer, so if I lose to her I know that I'm losing to awesomeness.

I made a little video to announce my nomination (haha, what is this, the GOP race? I should have gotten the dude who directed Herman Cain's "smoking" video to help me!) during my daily constitutional on Friday.

Yes, I did walk around San Francisco holding my point-and-shoot camera in front of me while I talked to myself. You can catch me in the video checking around to make sure people weren't watching me act a fool on the sidewalk.

I ended up buying sunglasses, to replace the two pairs I broke/lost, after shooting this video. I got three pairs for twenty dollars. Not bad!

Witturwittout you... The Philly Stuff You Betta Know

2012-01-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how I came upon this post on Osakabentures by OsakaSaul, aka Saul Fleishman, but I think I saw a link to it on Twitter from StumbleUpon. I'm really happy that I saw it.

As someone who was born, raised, and spent most my life in Philadelphia, a lot of the items on Saul's list of what makes Philly the way it is rings true: being spoiled by the best junk food and sandwiches (except no Geno's, this Sout Filly girls prefers a Pat's or an Ishkibibble's) in the world, having our own way of speaking, growing up among crack houses, and the lovely crime rate.

I plan on making my own list of the things that define my hometown, but for now please enjoy Saul's post (he was kind enough to let me repost it here), and be sure to check out his site!

The Philly Stuff You Betta Know

Steaks (AKA Cheesesteaks)

When you order your steak, da guy’s gonna say “witturwittout?” This means, “would you like your cheesesteak sandwich with or without fried onions?”
Be prepared to tell the guy which cheese you want in it. Be like us: go with Provolone. “Wit” (Like I tole ya’, dat’s duh onions, umkay?
Hoagies and steaks (AKA steak sandwiches) are supposed to start with an Amoroso long roll. Its a local bakery, and they’re just right. Subway will never understand. You will when you get a real steak at Pat’s – or just about anywhere else.
Jim’s Steaks on South Street are not bad at all. But they *are* for tourists. “Go down attaway, downnastreet,” as we say, “ova tuh Pat’s Steaks.” Or Geno’s, every bit as authentic and divine in quality. Get hot peppers and pickles “onnaside” (on the side).

FRIENDLY WARNING to fellow Philly buddies

Order anything BUT a sandwich when you’re out of Philly. You are spoiled, dig? You think our sandwiches are “normal.” You grew up on great $5.00 large pizzas at neighborhood joints, and $2.00 Italian hoagies and pizza steaks and lemmetellya’, even a tuna hoagie in Philly beats a Subway“submarine sandwich.” Subway produces abominations, and things that should not be: they’re too scientific and have no soul in their preparation – and the roll sucks dead donkey!

Junk Food

Tastycakes are our junk food. If you are under ten years of age and think Tastycakes are pricey, you eat Now ‘N Laters,” “Jolly Ranchers” and trade ‘em when the teacher isn’t looking in class. There even used to be a thing called “Chikostick” – a candybar that was chicken and peanut butter in theme – but actually worked out well. I am quite disgruntled that Chicosticks caught on but my Vagsickles (you know, popsickles for the vagina?) never made it to market. Back to Tastycakes: avoid the “French Green Apple Pie” thing. Other Tastycake pies are okay and heavy as hell, they really fill you up. Your basic and most important, traditional Tastycake-to-know is the Butterscotch Krimpet, however. (The Tastycake site shows that they make several types I have never even heard of; they two we actually live off are Jelly and Butterscotch.
Continuing with local junk food, I need to explain that “pressels” ain’t junk food, but rather a local staple of our street cuisine. They’re like Knishes in New York City. More on our beloved Philadelphia Hot Pretzel, later.

WuddurIce: Summer wouldn’t be right without waterice, our name for Italian Ice (“Ices” it is called in NYC). Guys scrape it out of big cans and pack white paper cones with it. You get the best in South Philly, and the flavors to know are lemon (with real bits of lemon) and bubblegum (without real bits of bubblegum).

Incidentally, an absolute must-know, particularly if you wish to pass under our stranger-danger radar: only in Phladelphia is water pronounced – correctly – “wudder.” For what its worth, to hear a lovely white-trash Philly accent, listen to Kevin Bacon in Sleepers. And then, Sly Stallone can do an Italian South Philly accent, pretty much anytime (though he’s the product of money – from our “Main Line” area. Locals know what I mean, here. The Main Line: Will Smith, Sylvester Stallone, and lots of people who think they’re better than lots of people. Philadelphia old money.)

Downnashore

There ain’t no “going to the seashore.” That’ll get you doubting and glaring looks from us. We go “downnashore” (down the shore) = drive to any of the beach towns that are from 30 minutes to 60 minutes south of Atlantic City (a cesspool) for a cheap beach vacation. Margate, Brigantine, all the way south to Cape May, or, just above that, to Wildwood, where bars are open until about 4/5 a.m., beer and crap food is cheap, music is bad, but “innasummer” (gettin’ it yet?) “dese illegal chicks werkin’ az nannies ‘an shit’ from Ireland are downnere” (you catch “awn” quick!) and they like American guys. Pretty much ANY American guys. (Or, pay for the next pitcher of beer. They’ll like you then.)

Dag!

This we exclaim, to mean, “I can’t believe you would be so unreasonable!”

Stickball

New Yorkers play handball. Look it up; it is nothing like European handball, the Olympic sport. In Philly, weez (“we”) gots stickball for the kids. Yuh juss needuh broomstick widdout duh broom part and like, half or even a whole old tennis ball or pinkie ball. If the park’s too far, you play stick ball in the street. You can play until either dinnuh time or, pretty much, until wannaduh (one of the) kids messes up a parked – on worse yet, a non-parked car.

Pitching Pennies

You want to get as close to the wall to collect all duh udduh guyz pennies. Just play wit guyz from your own damn block so yuh don’t get punched in the head over a “stranger’s” penny. (A stranger lives a block away, and thus, isn’t a local, or “from your neighborhood.”

Pressels

Cheapest way to fill yourself up on the street: a hot pretzel. You can order ‘em without salt, too (we wont be offended, neither!) “Duh pressel guy’s” probably got both yellow and brown mustard, take your pick, there aint no right or wrong on this one. (Just don’t be a dipshit and ask for Grey Poupon, “uh kay?” (okay)

We Got Uhlotta Schools

Don’t say TOO much nice stuff about Temple University, Drexel, Villanova, LaSalle, St. Joseph’s, Textiles & Sciences, or my alma mater, Penn State; most of us did a degree – or a “coupluh yeehz” (couple of years but no degree) at “wannadem” (one of them). They ain’t no big deal to us, as such. We even got an Ivy League one, University of Pennsylvania (AKA “Penn”) which attracts rich brats from out of town. In Philly and even within “jussah” (just a) 30-minute driving radius, we actually have another dozen or so full fledged universities and a good number of two-year schools, like CCP (Community College of Philadelphia).

Just TRY Settling for a Sandwich After You’ve Had a Hoagie

An Italian Hoagie will make a wonderful lunch. “Dey got” lots of meats and also lettuce and raw onions in ‘em. Real men’ll say “extra mayo.” If you are health-conscious, fine, go with the alternative to mayo, oil and vinegar. That’s legit, and one of the two normal choices. If you’re going local, though, say “Gimme Italian Hoagie, light awnna onions ‘n lettuce, throw in some hot peppers ahn heavy awnna mayo. Ahn on her’s, no onions or peppers, ahn she sez oil ‘n vinegar. Which wayzuh (way’s the) can(toilet)?”

Broad and Market

We ain’t got no 14th street. What would be 14th Street is Broad Street, and unlike most of the other numbered streets, it goes two ways. Its busy, though, so take Second Street one way / Fifth Street the other way to go “innanouttah da city.” Be careful when driving drunk and horny “arrown” (around) Broad and Market Streets. You’ll see skank “broads” young and old and very old (and very skanky) who are clearly up for “market.” And bored, head-cracking a-hole Philly cops, a leftover remnant of the (former Police Commissioner) Frank Rizzo era, who seem more interested in you and your driving than the prostitutes.

Connoisseurs of Heroin Know us too

The Kensington/Frankford section of Philly, AKA Badlands, AKA Zombieland: this is where white trash are created, for generations and generations, and raised and rarely escape and tend to get into forties of malt liquor and good ole’ Philly heroin.

Scoring smack under the “El” on “Frankford Av” predates me, going back well over fifty years, maybe a hundred, even, and though you’d think they’d go straight to New York, drug-buying tourists drive up to three hours to get to Frankford Avenue, under the “Frankford ‘El” (our elevated subway line) to score “H.” There seems to be a well-trod pipeline supplying Philadelphia with heroin, and for some reason, though the Badlands are only a couple square miles, Philly’s Finest (police) can’t reign them in.
Don’t call it “heroin,” “China,” or “smack”; The French Connection was made a long time ago. You’ll soon figure out if what they have in stock is “brown” or “white” (What little more I know I know from documentaries).
For crack, you’ll want to venture to North Philly, AKA The Jungle, where I went to high school. If you are low on melanin, a stroll through the Norf Philly could be quite an adventure. Again, harping on the utter worthlessness of the lackadaisical police force of Philadelphia, I recall seeing a photograph of a house that was identified in a Philadelphia Inquirer article as a crack house: I got to see it every day, clearly open for business throughout my four years of high school.

Have We Got Neighbors…

This is what is known about ‘em:

There is pretty much up and down, because across Pennsylvania you just drive through Philly’s ‘burbs, and then, run down formerly-industrial towns, hills and farmland, Amish communities, and mountains with only mediocre skiing/snowboarding. And when you stop at a tavern trolling for an easy local lay who you can ploy with Buffalo Wings and Yuengling Black and Tans (Yuengling: America’s oldest beer and a thing to know if you venture anywhere near the main campus of Penn State, is pronounced ying ling), the locals figure out you are “up from Philly,” and clearly think its, like, the place to be in Pennsylvania. (“Okay.”) Wanna act like you down? Jussay “yo’, kinnai get a cupla Porters downnere (“Pardon me, Barkeep, perhaps you did not see me. I’d like two Yuengling Porter beers, please.” The “downnere” (down here) provides a subtle and not-too-aggressive suggestion that you feel ignored or getting second-rate service.)

This is what we know of up and down:

Down (South of Philadelphia is pretty much South of Pennsylvania):

“Downnashore” is “off to South Jersey.” Other coastal towns even further South (NC, MD, VA, WV, GA, and all the way down to FL) are unthinkably far. If you really gotta go far “down South,” like to buy fireworks from VA, etc., where good ones ain’t illegal, you know duh I-95 goes all the way down, down to the Florida (we say “Flahrduh” / when you’re there, learn to UN-say that; they say “Floorduh”) annits free.

Up

New York: its mostly big and farmy, like PA, but NYC is a place to see, now and then. But everything costs a whole lot more there, so you don’t stay long. Annennere’s (“And then there’s”)… “Norf” Jersey: its got bridges and tunnels to New York City, its got oil refineries, factories, warehouses, highways, pollution, bed-towns for NYC commuters, it smells bad 24/7, and its got Triberr (where blogs get seen).

Act like you know it is rude – and could easily get you punched – to talk trash about Italian Americans or souqnd like Danny DeVito when you are in “Joyzee” (Jersey). A few Italian Americans are/were “Familia” (what we actually call mafia); most are everything but bad guys.

Further North, or, “even more up”: I guess dey got Boston and Rhode Island and other New England places (but we can’t name more than a couple places up dere ’cause its real, real far and for rich people ‘anyways’).

♥ Share this if you’re proud to be from Philly – or if we didn’t rough you up too bad when you were there last ♥